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Movie Quotes You Forgot Were Awesome
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People love throwing out quotes from random movies, but there are too many great quotes that people have forgotten or lost interest in or never heard.  Here's some you should remember from swell movies that are...well, swell.

wonderboys_james_grady.jpg

Wonder Boys
 
James Leer: Now, that is a big trunk. It holds a tuba, a suitcase, a dead dog, and a garment bag almost perfectly.
Grady Tripp: That's just what they used to say in the ads.
 
 
[Crabtree and a student drag James, hopped up on codeine, out of the auditorium.]
James Leer: The doors made so much noise!
Grady Tripp: Is he all right?
James Leer: It was so embarrassing! He had to be carried out.
Terry Crabtree: He's fine. He's narrating.
James Leer: They were going to the restroom. But would they make it in time?
 
 
Grady Tripp: James like it or not those people out there are your parents.
James Leer: They're not my parents.
Grady Tripp: What?
James Leer: They're my grandparents.. my parents are dead.
Grady Tripp: James the man is obviously your father.. you look just like him.
James Leer: There's a reason for that.
 
 
Grady Tripp: Okay, James, I wish you hadn't shot my girlfriend's dog. Even though Poe and I weren't exactly what you'd call simpatico, that's no reason for him to take two in the chest.
 
 
[eating a box of white-powder donuts]
James Leer: These are incredible. Incredible!
Grady Tripp: Finish the rest of that joint, James, you can start chewing on the box.
 
 
 
 
 

memento_leonard_teddy2.jpg

Memento
 
Natalie: What's the last thing that you do remember?
Leonard Shelby: My wife...
Natalie: That's sweet.
Leonard Shelby: ...dying.
 
 
Leonard Shelby: Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts.
 
 
Teddy: Was he scared?
Leonard Shelby: Yeah, I think it was your sinister moustache.
 
 
Teddy: You're not a killer. That's why you're so good at it.
 
 
Leonard Shelby: There are things you know for sure.
Natalie: Such as?
Leonard Shelby: I know what that's going to sound like when I knock on it. I know that's what going to feel like when I pick it up. See? Certainties. It's the kind of memory that you take for granted.
 
 
Leonard Shelby: Remember Sammy Jankis.
 
 
Leonard Shelby: [Running] Okay, what am I doing?
[Sees Dodd also running]
Leonard Shelby: I'm chasing this guy.
[Dodd has a gun, shoots at Leonard]
Leonard Shelby: Nope. He's chasing me.
 
 
 

thegraduate_ben.jpg

The Graduate
 
Room Clerk: Are you here for an affair, sir?
Ben Braddock: What?
Room Clerk: The Singleman party, sir?
Ben Braddock: Ah, yes, the Singleman party.
 
 
Mr. Braddock: Don't you think that idea is a little half-baked?
Benjamin Braddock: Oh no, Dad, it's completely baked.
 
 
Ben Braddock: Oh my god.
Mrs. Robinson: Pardon?
Ben Braddock: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. Oh no.
Mrs. Robinson: What's wrong?
Ben Braddock: Mrs. Robinson, you didn't... I mean, you didn't expect--
Mrs. Robinson: What?
Ben Braddock: I mean, you didn't really think I'd do something like *that*.
Mrs. Robinson: Like what?
Ben Braddock: What do you think?
Mrs. Robinson: Well, I don't know.
Ben Braddock: For god's sake, Mrs. Robinson. Here we are. You got me into your house. You give me a drink. You... put on music. Now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband won't be home for hours.
Mrs. Robinson: So?
Ben Braddock: Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.
Mrs. Robinson: [laughs]
Ben Braddock: Aren't you?
 
 
Benjamin Braddock: Mrs. Robinson, I can't do this.
Mrs. Robinson: You what?
Benjamin Braddock: This is all terribly wrong.
Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable?
Benjamin Braddock: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.
 
 
Mrs. Braddock: What makes you think she wants to marry you?
Benjamin Braddock: Oh, she doesn't. To be perfectly honest she doesn't like me.
 
 
 

oneflewoverthecuckoosnest.jpg

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
 
McMurphy: That's right, Mr. Martini. There is an Easter Bunny.
 
 
Chief Bromden: My pop was real big. He did like he pleased. That's why everybody worked on him. The last time I seen my father, he was blind and diseased from drinking. And every time he put the bottle to his mouth, he don't suck out of it, it sucks out of him until he shrunk so wrinkled and yellow even the dogs didn't know him.
McMurphy: Killed him, huh?
Chief Bromden: I'm not saying they killed him. They just worked on him. The way they're working on you.
 
 
McMurphy: [about shock treatments] They was giving me ten thousand watts a day, you know, and I'm hot to trot! The next woman takes me on's gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!
 
 
[McMurphy, getting Chief into the basketball game]
McMurphy: Hit me, Chief, I got the moves!
 
 
Chief Bromden: Mmmmmm, Juicey Fruit.
 
 
McMurphy: Get out of my way son, you're usin' my oxygen
 
 
Chief Bromden: I'm not gonna leave you now. I couldn't leave you this way. Your coming with me.
 
 
 

adaptation_kaufman_brothers.jpg

Adaptation
 
John Laroche: Who's gonna play me? I think I should play me!
 
 
John Laroche: I'm probably the smartest person I know.
 
 
Susan Orlean: I suppose I do have one unembarrassed passion. I want to know how it feels to care about something passionately.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: I don't want to cram in sex or guns or car chases or characters learning profound life lessons or growing or coming to like each other or overcome obstacles to succeed in the end. The book isn't like that, and life isn't like that, it just isn't.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: The script I'm starting, it's about flowers. Noone's ever done a movie about flowers before. So there are no guidelines...
Donald Kaufman: What about "Flowers for Algernon"?
Charlie Kaufman: Well, that's not about flowers. And it's not a movie.
Donald Kaufman: Ok, I'm sorry, I never saw it.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: To begin.. To begin... How to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. So I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana nut. That's a good muffin.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: [voice over] I should have gone in. I'm such a chicken. I should have kissed her. I should go knock on her door and just kiss her. It would be romantic. It would be something we'd tell our kids about someday. I'm going to do that right now.
[drives away]
 
 
Donald Kaufman: Listen, I need a cool way to kill people. Don't worry, for my script.
Charlie Kaufman: I don't know that kind of stuff.
Donald Kaufman: Oh, come on, man, please? You're the genius.
Charlie Kaufman: Here you go. The killer's a literature professor. He cuts off little chunks from his victims' bodies until they die. He calls himself "the deconstructionist".
 
 
Donald Kaufman: I'm putting in a chase sequence. So the killer flees on horseback with the girl, the cop's after them on a motorcycle and it's like a battle between motors and horses, like technology vs. horse.
Charlie Kaufman: And they're still all one person, right?
 
 
Donald Kaufman: I'm pitching my script today.
Charlie Kaufman: Please don't say pitch.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: Mr. McKee? I'm Charlie Kaufman. You yelled at me this morning.
Robert McKee: I need more.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: You and I share the same DNA. Is there anything more lonely than that?
 
 
Robert McKee: People find love, people lose it!
 
 
John Laroche: Darkness falls, bad things happen.
 
 
Charlie Kaufman: [voice-over] Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were happier my hair wouldn't be falling out. Life is short. I need to make the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There's something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again. I'm way overdue. If I stop putting things off I would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat I would be happier. I wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like that's fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more and prove myself. What if I learned Russian or something, or took up an instrument. I could speak Chinese. I'd be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that. Just be real. Confident. Isn't that what women are attracted to? Men don't have to be attractive. But that's not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I'll still be ugly though. Nothing's going to change that.
 
 
Kaufman (V.O.):  It is my weakness, my ultimate lack of conviction that brings me here.  Easy answers.  Rules to short-cut yourself to success.  And here I am, because my jaunt into the abyss brought me nothing.  Well, isn't that the risk one takes for attempting something new.  I should leave here right now.  I'll start over--
(starts to rise)
I need to face this profect head on and--
McKee:  ...and God help you if you use voice-over in your work, my friends.
 
  
 
 

changinglanes.jpg

Changing Lanes
 
Doyle Gipson: You think I want money? What I want is my morning back. I need my time back. Can you give me my time back? Huh? Can you?
 
 
Gavin Banek: Its like seeing someone for the first time...you know passing them on the street. And you kinda look at each other for a few seconds, like a recognition. Like you both know something. And the next moment the person is gone. And you always remember it, it was there and you let it go. And you think What if I had stopped? What if I had said something. What if...
 
 
Valerie Gipson: What do you want?
Gavin Banek: Five minutes, ma'am. I owe your husband twenty. Well I'm.. only asking for five with you.
 
 
Sponsor: What happened in court today?
Doyle Gipson: I'm in a bar. What does that tell you?
Sponsor: It tells me that you're really angry. And that anger has gotten you into the one place in the world you shouldn't be.
 
 
Stephen Delano: This is all a tightrope, you gotta learn to balance.
Gavin Banek: How can you live like that ?
Stephen Delano: I can live with myself .. because at the end of the day I think I do more good than harm .. what other standard have I got to judge by ?
 
 
Gavin Banek: Sometimes God just likes to put two guys in a paper bag and just let 'em rip!
 
 
Sponsor: You know, booze isn't really your drug of choice anyway. You're addicted to chaos. For some of us, it's coke. For some of us, it's bourbon. But you? You got hooked on disaster!
 
 
Valerie Gipson: Whatever drama you've gotten yourself into, it's just the kind of thing that always happens to you! And it never happens to me unless I am in your field of gravity!
 
 
Doyle Gipson: I hope you don't mind, but I was intrigued by your conversation. I just thought you were in advertising. So I want to give you my dream vision for a Tiger Woods commercial, okay? There's this black guy on a golf course. And all these people are trying to get him to caddy for them, but he's not a caddy. He's just a guy trying to play a round of golf. And these guys give him a five-dollar bill and tell him to go the clubhouse and get them cigarettes and beer. So, off he goes, home, to his wife and to their little son, who he teaches to play golf. You see all these other little boys playing hopscotch while little Tiger practices on the putting green. You see all the other kids eating ice cream while Tiger practices hitting long balls in the rain while his father shows him how. And we fade up, to Tiger, winning four Grand Slams in a row, and becoming the greatest golfer ever to pick up a 9-iron. And we end on his father in the crowd, on the sidelines, and Tiger giving him the trophies. All because of a father's determination that no fat white man --- like your fathers, probably --- would ever send his son to the clubhouse for cigarettes and beer.
 
 
 

fightclub_narrator.jpg

Fight Club
 
Narrator: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.
 
 
Narrator: I am Jack's smirking revenge.
 
 
Narrator: First person that comes out this freaking door gets a... gets a LEAD SALAD, you understand?
 
 
Richard Chesler: Is that your blood?
Narrator: Some of it, yeah.
 
 
Narrator: I felt like destroying something beautiful.
 
 
Narrator: When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.
 
 
Tyler Durden: Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.
 
 
Narrator: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
 
 
Tyler Durden: The first rule of Fight Club is - you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is - you DO NOT talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club, someone yells "Stop!", goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule, only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule, one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule, no shirt, no shoes. Seventh rule, fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.
 
 
Tyler Durden: It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
 
 
Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you.
 
 
[Tyler and Narrator are discussing ideal opponents.]
Tyler Durden: OK: any historic figure.
Narrator: I'd fight Gandhi.
Tyler Durden: Good answer.
Narrator: How about you?
Tyler Durden: Lincoln.
Narrator: Lincoln?
Tyler Durden: Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger.
 
 
Tyler Durden: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator: No, I did not know that; is that true?
Tyler Durden: That's right... One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Narrator: Really...?
Tyler Durden: If one were so inclined.
Narrator: Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met... see I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving--
Tyler Durden: Oh I get it, it's very clever.
Narrator: Thank you.
Tyler Durden: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler Durden: Being clever.
Narrator: Great.
Tyler Durden: Keep it up then... Right up.
 
 
Tyler Durden: You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh.
 
 
Narrator: I am Jack's cold sweat.
 
 
Narrator: If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla.
 
 
Narrator: I ran. I ran until my muscles burned and my veins pumped battery acid. Then I ran some more.
 
 
Narrator: After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down.
 
 
Narrator: If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
 
 
Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.
 
 
Narrator: And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
 
 
Narrator: [While brutally beating Angel Face] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.
 
 
Tyler Durden: You just had a near-life experience.
 
 
Narrator: I'll tell you: we'll split up the week, okay? You take lymphoma, and tuberculosis --
Marla Singer: You take tuberculosis. My smoking doesn't go over at all.
Narrator: Okay, good, fine. Testicular cancer should be no contest, I think.
Marla Singer: Well, technically, I have more of a right to be there than you. You still have your balls.
 
 
Narrator: You're kidding.
Marla Singer: I don't know... am I?
Narrator: No, no! What do you want!?
Marla Singer: I'll take the parasites.
Narrator: You can't have both the parasites, but while you take the blood parasites --
Marla Singer: I want brain parasites.
Narrator: I'll take the blood parasites. But I'm gonna take the organic brain dementia, okay?
Marla Singer: I want that.
Narrator: You can't have the whole brain, that's --
Marla Singer: So far you have four, I only have two!
Narrator: Okay. Take both the parasites. They're yours. Now we both have three...
 
 
Narrator: I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
 
 
[The narrator pulls a loose tooth out of his mouth.]
Tyler Durden: Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart.
 
 
Narrator: Look, nobody takes this more seriously than me. That condo was my life, okay? I loved every stick of furniture in that place. That was not just a bunch of stuff that got destroyed, it was ME!
[voice-over]
 

Narrator: I'd like to thank the Academy...
 
 
Narrator: I am Jack's wasted life. 
 
 
Narrator: I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection. 
 
 
Narrator: I am Jack's broken heart. 
 
 
Narrator: Is Tyler my bad dream? Or am I Tyler's? 
 
 
Narrator: Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip. 
 
 
Narrator: With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels. 
 
 
Narrator: I got in everyone's hostile little face. Yes, these are bruises from fighting. Yes, I'm comfortable with that. I am enlightened. 
 
 
Narrator: Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't. 
 
 
Members of Fight Club: [Chanting] His name is Robert Paulsen. 
 
 
Boss: [Reading a piece of paper] "The first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club. The second rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club." Is this yours?
Narrator: Huh?
[voice over]
Narrator: I'm half asleep again, I must have left the original in the copy machine.
Boss: We don't pay you to abuse the copy machine.
Narrator: Now there's an image...
Boss: What do you know about this?
Narrator: Well, I gotta tell ya - I'd be very careful who I talk to about this. Because the person who wrote this is dangerous. And one day they could just snap. And then this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho, stalking from office to office with an Armalite AR-180 carbine gas-operated semi-automatic, pumping round after round into colleagues and coworkers. This could be someone you've known for years. Someone very close to you.
[voice over]
Narrator: Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
[on screen]
Narrator: Or maybe you shouldn't go bringing me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
[voice over]
Narrator: And I used to be such a nice guy. 
 
 
Narrator: I flipped through catalogs and wondered: "What kind of dining set defines me as a person?" 
 
 
Narrator: Marla's philosophy of life is that she might die at any moment. The tragedy, she said, was that she didn't. 
 
 
Narrator: We have just lost cabin pressure. 
 
 
Narrator: We have front row seats for this theatre of mass destruction. The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes primary charges will blow base charges and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this, because Tyler knows this. 
 
 
Narrator: Clean food, please.
Maitre D': In that case, sir, may I advise against the lady eating clam chowder?
Narrator: No clam chowder, thank you. 
 
 
Tyler Durden: Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
Narrator: [with Tyler's gun in his mouth] mm mm mm mm mm mmmmmm.
[Tyler removes the gun]
Narrator: I still can't think of anything.
Tyler Durden: Ah. Flashback humor. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

diner02.jpg

Diner
 
Edward Eddie Simmons: You're dealing with a rational girl; that's your problem.
 
 
Modell: You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.
 
 
Billy: I'll hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family.
 
 
Fenwick: Definitely the smile of the week!
 
 
Eddie: You...You...You make me sick. You've just gone down two steps in my...my book!
 
 
Boogie: Did I tell you guys I'm taking out Carol Heathrow tomorrow night?
Fenwick: She...is death! (Thumbs up)
 
 
 

donniedarko_donnie.jpg

Donnie Darko
 
Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid rabbit suit?
Frank: Why do you wear that stupid man suit?
 
 
Kitty: Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!
 
 
Donnie: I made a new friend today.
Dr. Lilian Thurman: Real or imaginary?
Donnie: Imaginary.
 
 
Frank: Twenty-eight days... six hours... forty-two minutes... twelve seconds. That... is when the world... will end.
 
 
Gretchen: You're weird.
Donnie: Sorry.
Gretchen: No, that was a compliment.
 
 
Donnie: [in a letter] Dear Roberta Sparrow, I have reached the end of your book and there are so many questions that I need to ask you. Sometimes I am afraid of what you might tell me. Sometimes I am afraid this is not a work of fiction. I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
 
 
Kitty: No Duh. Duh is a product of fear.
 
 
Kitty Farmer: I'll tell you what he said! He told me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus!
 
 
Donnie: [to his mother] What's it like to have a wacko for a son?
Rose Darko: It feels wonderful.
 
 
Roberta Sparrow: Every creature on this earth dies alone
 
 
Donnie: When is this going to stop?
Frank: You should already know that.
 
 
Dr. Lilian Thurman: The search for God is absurd?
Donnie: It is if everyone dies alone.
 
 
Jim Cunningham: Son... DO YOU SEE THIS? This is an Anger Prisoner. A textbook example. DO YOU SEE THE FEAR, PEOPLE? This boy is scared to death of the truth. Son, it breaks my heart to say this, but I believe you are a very troubled and confused young man. I believe you are searching for answers in all the wrong places...
Donnie: You're right. I am! I'm pretty troubled and I'm pretty confused. But I. . .and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I... I . . . I think you're the freaking Antichrist.
 
 
Kitty: Not only am I a teacher, but I am also the mother of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the only person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge
 
 
Gretchen: My mom had to get a restraining order against my step dad. He has emotional problems.
Donnie: Oh, I have those too! What kind does your step dad have?
Gretchen: He stabbed my mom four times in the chest.
Donnie: Oh.
 
 
[Watching George Bush Snr. give a speech on TV]
Edward Darko: Tell 'em, George!
 
 
Rose Darko: Do you even know who Graham Greene is?
Kitty Farmer: I think we've all seen Bonanza!
 
 
Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff: I am not going to be able to continue this conversation
Donnie: Why?
Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff: I could lose my job.
 
 
Cherita Chen: Chut up!
 
 
Donnie: You want your sister to lose weight, tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey, and you know what no-one knows what they wanna be when they grow up! you know it takes a little time to find that out. And you, you sick of some jerk shoving you head down the toilet? Well maybe you should lift some weights or take a karate lesson and the next time hes tries it you kick him in the balls
 
 
Gretchen: Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.
 
 
 

chasingamy_holden.jpg

Chasing Amy
 
Alyssa Jones: Why are we stopping?
Holden McNeil: Because I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. And it's not because you're unattainable. I love you. Very simple, very truly. You're the epitome of every attribute and quality I've ever looked for in another person. I know you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you'd ever consider. But I had to say it. I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. I know this will probably queer our friendship -no pun intended- but I had to say it, because I've never felt this before, and I like who I am because of it. And if bringing it to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But I couldn't allow another day to go by without getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And I'll accept that. But I know some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, that means you feel something too. All I ask is that you not dismiss that -at least for ten seconds- and try to dwell in it. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this freaking planet who's ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it's there between you and me. You can't deny that. And even if we never speak again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which -while I do appreciate it- I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
 
 
Holden: How do you manage to get away with this all the time? I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now?
Banky Edwards: Wrong coast.
 
 
Silent Bob: But, by the time I figured this all out, it was too late; she moved on. And all I had to show for it was some foolish pride which then gave way to regret. She was the girl. I know that now. But, I pushed her away. So I've spent everyday since then chasing Amy. So to speak.
 
 
Banky Edwards: I feel a hate crime coming on.
 
 
Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky Edwards: Mmm, get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High."
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky Edwards: I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot."
 
 
Alyssa: So, you've never been curious about men?
Holden: Curious about men? Well, I always wondered why my father watched Hee Haw.
 
 
Holden: It's not who you love, it's how.
 
 
Holden: If this is a crush, I don't think I could handle it if the real thing happened.
 
 
Hooper: And Jedi's the most insulting installment. Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!
Banky Edwards: Well, isn't that true?
 
 
Holden: That chick could be a bigger disease carrier than the monkey in outbreak
 
 
 

dogma.jpg

Dogma
 
Bartleby: This from the guy who still owes me ten dollars from a bet over which was going to be the bigger movie, E.T. or Krush Groove.
Loki: Hey, forget you man, because time's going to tell on that one.
 
 
Loki: Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.
Bartleby: You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.
Loki: Outstanding work!
 
 
Loki: Do you know what makes a human being decent?
Bartleby: Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from God.
 
 
Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target craps him or herself. Try it on.
Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...
Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gamorreh, I had to do all the work.
Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires!
Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Loki: Hey you know nothing you man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass Genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer.
 
 
[To Loki]
Bartleby: Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.
 
 
[to Mrs. Reynolds]
Loki: You're a pure soul...but you didn't say "God bless you" when I sneezed.
[raises his gun to Mrs. Reynold's head]
Bartleby: Loki!
 
 
Nun: I never thought of it that way...what am I doing with my life...what am I...?
Loki: I know, I know. You should take all this money that you've been collecting for your parish and go out and buy yourself a nice dress.
 
 
 

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The Way of the Gun
 
Longbaugh: There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
 
 
Longbaugh: A heart is the only thing that has value. If you have one, get rid of it.
 
 
Joe Sarno: So, you the brains of this outfit, or is he?
Longbaugh: Tell ya the truth, I don't think this is a brains kind of operation.
 
 
Hale Chidduck: Do you believe in karma?
Joe Sarno: Karma's justice without the satisfaction. I don't believe in justice.
 
 
Parker: Isn't it interesting that if I grab a woman's ass and she punches my lights out then she's defending her rights, but if a faggot grabs my ass and I punch his lights out, then I'm a homophobe?
 
 
Parker and Longbaugh are looking at the cash out in the open at the brothel.]
Longbaugh: What do you think?
Parker: I think a plan is just a list of things that don't happen.
 
 
Hale Chidduck: I'd never ask you to trust me. It's the cry of a guilty soul.
 
 
Interviewer: Heterosexual?
Parker: Can I ask you something? Are you a faggot? See, you asked me if I was heterosexual; I asked you the same question, only I was clear about the answer I was looking for.
 
 
Longbaugh: I've... never killed a man.
Interviewer: I beg your pardon?
Longbaugh: I said I never killed a man.
Interviewer: I didn't ask if you had.
Longbaugh: You asked why I thought I was qualified, I think of that as qualification.
Interviewer: And I'm just wondering why that in particular strikes you as an important qualification for semen donation.
Longbaugh: I would say thats a big freaking qualification -- excuse me, a very important qualification.
Interviewer: No one's ever said that before.
Longbaugh: Have you ever asked?
Interviewer: No.
Longbaugh: You should.
 
 
Longbaugh: You know what I'm gonna tell God when I see him? I'm gonna tell him I was framed.
 
 
Parker: For the record I'll call myself Mr. Parker. My associate will be Mr. Longbaugh.
 
 
Parker: The longest distance between two points is a kidnapper and his money.
 
 
Longbaugh: Why's that such a big deal?
Interviewer: Because no one brings up sex with dead people!
Longbaugh: 'Course they don't, it's sick.
Interviewer: You brought it up!
Longbaugh: Only to say I never did it.
Interviewer: I didn't ask you that.
Longbaugh: [Smiling] You should.
 
 
Parker: Need is the ultimate monkey.
 
 
Parker: I was up on this robbery bit, with a public defender. I was looking at my first long stretch. Outta nowhere this uptown lawyer comes to see me, says he can get me off. Says he'll do it for free. I just gotta do a favor in return. And he tells me about this teacher who's molesting his son. I went up alone. Didn't make a sound. Nice thick carpeting on the stairwell, light busted in the hall...And the door was open, man. Like it was meant to be. And I slipped in and I found him in the bedroom. Naked, with all these pictures on the bed. Man, that lawyer was right. He was more than right. And he turned around, and I didn't hit him...I didn't hit him, I just said, "Lay on the bed. Face down." And he did. I was savoring it...really, really enjoying it, thinking about how I was gonna take a Polaroid of this and send it to this lawyer, so maybe he could sleep better at night, and maybe take one for myself so I could...And then I heard him praying. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep." And you know something? It stayed with me. It bothered me. Of all the people I done it to, that had to be the one I felt, and to this day I can't go to sleep until I say that prayer.
Longbaugh: You wanna get out now? You wanna quit? This is never gonna come your way again.
Parker: What if the day comes and you're face down waiting? And what if in that final fleeting second of life, you start to believe in God? What are you gonna have to give him? What will you say in your defense?
 
 

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The Virgin Suicides
 
(Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon (James Woods & Kathleen Turner) leave the empty house behind)
Mrs. Lisbon (voice-over):
None of my daughters lacked for any love. There was plenty of love in our house. I never understood why.
Narrator: (voice-over) After the suicide free-for-all, Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon gave up any attempt to lead a normal life. They had Mr. Headley pack up the house, selling what furniture he could in a garage sale. Mr. Lisbon put the house on the market, and it was sold to a young couple from Boston. We, of course, took the family photos that were put out with the trash. In the end, we had pieces of the puzzle, but no matter how we put them together, gaps remained -- oddly shaped emptiness mapped by what surrounded them, like countries we couldn't name. What lingered after them was not life, but the most trivial list of mundane facts -- a clock ticking on the wall, a room dim at noon, the outrageousness of a human being thinking only of herself. We began the impossible process of trying to forget them.
(The camera moves through the now-empty house, pausing over Lux's homecoming crown on a table of discarded junk.)
Our parents seemed better able to do this, returning to their tennis foursomes and cocktail cruises, as though they'd seen this all before. It was full-fledged summer again, over a year from the time Cecilia had slit her wrists, spreading the poison in the air. A spill at the plant increased the phosphates in the lake and produced a scum of algae so thick that the swamp smell filled the air, infiltrating the genteel mansions. Debutantes cried over the misfortune of coming out in a season everyone would remember for its bad smell. The O'Connors, however, came up with the ingenious solution of making the theme of their daughter Alice's debutante party...asphyxiation. Like everyone else, we went to forget about the Lisbon girls.
(The scene at the party is best described as nightmarish. Guest are wearing gas masks. One of the boys kisses a girl on the house's patio. Another girl, the date of one of the boys, throws up into the shrubs. A toast is made to Alice's future. A middle-age drunk party guest jumps into the pool, and as he is fished out, he says, laughing, "You don't understand me! I'm a teenager! I've got problems!")
So much has been said about the girls over the years. But we have never found an answer. It didn't matter in the end how old they had been or that they were girls...but only that we had loved them...and they hadn't heard us calling, still do not hear us calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.
(The movie ends with the four boys after the party, across the street from the empty house. One of them is holding a lit lighter, as if paying tribute to a band at the end of a concert.)
 
 
Doctor: What are you doing here, honey? You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets.
Cecilia Lisbon: Obviously, Doctor, you've never been a thirteen year old girl.
 
 
Rannie: I baked a pie full of rat poison. I though I could eat it, you know, without being suspicious. My nana, who is 86...
[starts to break down]
Rannie: she really likes sweets. She had three pieces.
 
 
Trip Fontaine: You're a stone fox.
 
 
Narrator: We knew the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love, and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them.
 
 
Trip Fontaine: She was the still point of the turning world, man.
 
 
Tim Weiner: What we have here is a dreamer. Someone completely out of touch with reality.
 
 
Narrator: No one could understand how Mrs. Lisbon and Mr. Lisbon, our math teacher, could produce such beautiful creatures.
 
 
 

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The Hustler
 
Fast Eddie: Fat man, you shoot a great game of pool.
 
 
Bert Gordon: You got talent.
Fast Eddie: I got talent? So what beat me?
Bert Gordon: Character.
 
 
Bert Gordon: You've the best excuse in the world for losing; no trouble losing when you got a good excuse. Winning. That can be heavy on your back too, like a monkey. You'll drop that load too when you got an excuse. All you gotta do is learn to feel sorry for yourself. One of the best indoor sports, feeling sorry for yourself. A sport enjoyed by all, especially the born losers.
 
 
Fast Eddie: I don't rattle, kid. Just for that I'll beat you flat!
 
 
Fast Eddie: I'm the best you ever seen Fats. I'm the best there is. Even if you beat me I'm still the best.
 
 
Fast Eddie: I am playing pool, Fats. When I miss, you can shoot.
 
 
Sarah Packard: How did you know my name is Sarah?
Fast Eddie: You told me last night.
Sarah Packard: I always lie when I drink.
Fast Eddie: Okay, so what is your name today?
Sarah Packard: Sarah.
 
 
Charlie Burns: Quiet.
Fast Eddie: Yeah, like a church. The church of the good hustler.
Charlie Burns: Looks more like a morgue to me. Those tables are the slabs they lay the stiffs on.
Fast Eddie: I'll be alive when I get out, Charlie.
 
 
Charlie Burns: How do you feel?
Fast Eddie: Fast and loose.
Charlie Burns: In the gut, I mean.
Fast Eddie: Tight, but good.
 
 
Fast Eddie: You know, I got a hunch, fat man. I got a hunch that it's me from here on in. One ball, corner pocket. I mean, that ever happen to you? You know, all of a sudden you feel like you just can't miss? 'Cause I dreamed about this game, fat man. I dreamed about it every night on the road. Five ball. You know, this is my table, man. I own it.
 
 
Fast Eddie: The pool game is over when Fats says it's over... I came after him and I'm gonna get him. I'm going with him all the way.
 
 
 

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The Shawshank Redemption (quotes chosen by film fan Ryan Karp)
 
Red: I could see why some of the boys took him for snobby. He had a quiet way about him, a walk and a talk that just wasn't normal around here. He strolled, like a man in a park without a care or a worry in the world, like he had on an invisible coat that would shield him from this place. Yeah, I think it would be fair to say... I liked Andy from the start.

Red: [narrating] And that's how it came to pass that on the second-to-last day of the job, the convict crew that tarred the plate factory roof in the spring of forty-nine wound up sitting in a row at ten o'clock in the morning drinking icy cold, Bohemia-style beer, courtesy of the hardest screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank State Prison.
Captain Hadley: Drink up while it's cold, ladies.
Red: [narrating] The collosal prick even managed to sound magnanimous.

Red: [narrating] You could argue he'd done it to curry favor with the guards. Or, maybe make a few friends among us cons. Me, I think he did it just to feel normal again, if only for a short while.

Brooks: Maybe I should rob the FoodWay so they'll send me home. I could shoot the manager while I'm at it, kind of like a bonus.

Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

Red: These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyways.

Red: [narrating] I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

Red: I'd like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that bullet, was how the hell Andy Dufresne ever got the best of him.


Red: [narrating] There is a harsh truth to face. No way I'm gonna make it on the outside. All I do anymore is think of ways to break my parole. Terrible thing, to live in fear. Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won't have to be afraid all the time. Only one thing stops me. A promise I made to Andy.

Andy Dufresne: [in letter to Red] Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.


Red: [narrating] I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

Red: [narrating] I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

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Toy Story
 
Mr. Potato Head: How come you don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser! It's a little light that blinks!
Hamm: What's wrong with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.
 
 
[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily.]
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm! Look, I'm Picasso!
Hamm: I don't get it.
Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine!
 
 
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great! If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death!
 
 
[Mr. Potato Head watches hopefully as Andy open birthday presents.]
Mr. Potato Head: Please let it be a Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs... Hey, I can dream can't I?
 
 
Mr. Potato Head: What, did you take Stupid Pills this morning?
 
 
Woody: Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.
Buzz: Toy?
Woody: T-O-Y, toy.
Buzz: Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "space ranger".
Woody: The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.
 
 
Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh. Well, that's good.
Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?
 
 
Rex: I'm from Mattel. Well, actually I'm from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.
 
 
Hamm: Way to go, Idaho!
 
 
Buzz: I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.
 
 
[Woody finds Buzz dressed up as "Mrs. Nesbitt" and in the company of two headless dolls.]
Woody: What happened to you?
Buzz: One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette....and her little sister!
 
 
Woody: Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting was, I
think, a big success, and we want to thank Mr. Spell for putting
that on for us....Thank you , Mr. Spell!
Mr. Spell: You're welcome!
 
 
Alien: I have been chosen! Farewell my friends! I go on to a better
place!
 
 
Rex: I don't like confrontations!!
 
 
Rex: Oh, I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it!
 
 
Slinky: Golly Bob Howdy!
 
 
Mr. Potato Head: Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Do you see my
ear?!
 
 
Woody: There's a snake in my boots!
 
 
Mr. Potato Head: Ages 3 and up. It's on my box. Ages 3 and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!
 
 
Woody: Pull my string! Andy's birthday party is today?!
 
 
 

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Newsies
 
David Jacobs: Why'd ya come back?
Jack: Well, I guess I can't be somethin' I ain't.
David Jacobs: What, a scab?
Jack: No, smart.
 
 
Jack: If we go on strike then we are a union. Right?
David Jacobs: No. We're just a bunch of angry kids with no money.
 
 
Jack: We gotta get the word out to every newsie in the city! We need some of those...
David Jacobs: Ambassadors?
Jack: Yeah, yeah. Okay, you guys gotta go out and be, uh, am-bastards.
 
 
Racetrack: We ain't got five bucks! We don't even got five cents! Your Honor, how 'bout I roll ya for it, double or nuttin'?
 
 
Crutchy: It's this brain of mine, it's always makin' mistakes...it's got a mind of its own.
 
 
Jack Kelly: We was beat when we was born.
 
 
Spot Conlon: Your Honor, I object!
Judge E.A. Monaham: On what grounds?
Spot Conlon: On the grounds of Brooklyn!
 
 
David Jacobs: My father taught us not to lie.
Jack: Well mine told me not to starve so we both have an education.
 
 
Jack Kelly: You only took 20 papes, why?
David Jacobs: It's a bad headline.
Jack Kelly: Well, dat's da foist thing ya gotta learn, headlines don't sell papes. Newsies sell papes.
 
 
Jack Kelly: It ain't lyin'. It's just improvin' the truth a little.
 
 
Jack: So what do you say, Spot?
Spot Conlon: I say... that what you say... is what I say.
 
 
Racetrack: Look at this! Baby born with two heads... must be from Brooklyn.
 
 
Pulitzer: Now when I created the world...
 
 
Jack Kelly: Let's soak 'em for Crutchy!
 
 
 

unbreakable.jpg

Unbreakable
 
Elijah Price: They called me Mr. Glass.
 
 
Elijah Price: Now that we know who you are, I know who I am.
 
 
Joseph Dunn: Do you think you could beat up Bruce Lee?
David Dunn: No, Joseph.
Joseph Dunn: Even if he wasn't allowed to kick, and you were really mad at him?
 
 
David Dunn: You should never do anything like this. You know that, right?
Joseph Dunn: Yeah.
David Dunn: What should you do if something bad happens?
Joseph Dunn: Get Mom.
 
 
Joseph Dunn: I thought maybe because you're my dad... I thought I might be like you... I'm not like you...
David Dunn: You are like me. We can both get hurt. I'm just an ordinary man.
Joseph Dunn: No, you're not... Why do you keep saying that?
 
 
Elijah Price: Do you see any Teletubbies in here? Do you see a slender plastic tag clipped to my shirt with my name printed on it? Do you see a little Asian child with a blank expression on his face sitting outside on a mechanical helicopter that shakes when you put quarters in it? No? Well, that's what you see at a toy store. And you must think you're in a toy store, because you're here shopping for an infant named Jeb.
 
 
Elijah Price: It's hard for many people to believe that there are extraordinary things inside themselves, as well as others. I hope you can keep an open mind.
 
 
Elijah Price: It's allright to be afraid, David, because this part won't be like a comic book. Real life doesn't fit into little boxes that were drawn for it.
 
 
ER Doctor: And, to answer your question, there are two reasons why I'm looking at you like this. One because it seems in a few minutes you will officially be the only survivor of this train wreck, and two, because you didn't break one bone, you don't have a scratch on you.
 
 
 

roadtoperdition_m_sullivan.jpg

Road to Perdition
 
Michael Sullivan: He murdered Annie and Peter!
John Rooney: There are only murderers in this room! Michael! Open your eyes! This is the life we chose, the life we lead. And there is only one guarantee: none of us will see heaven.
Michael Sullivan: Michael could.
John Rooney: Then do everything that you can to see that that happens.
 
 
John Rooney: Natural law. Sons are put on this earth to trouble their fathers.
 
 
Michael Sullivan, Jr.: I saw then that my father's only fear was that his son would follow the same road. And that was the last time I ever held a gun. People always thought I grew up on a farm. And I guess, in a way, I did. But I lived a lifetime before that, in those 6 weeks on the road in the winter of 1931. When people ask me if Michael Sullivan was a good man, or if there was no good in him at all, I always give the same answer. I just thell them: he was my father.
 
 
[After seeing his father kill someone]
Michael Sullivan, Jr.: Does Mom know?
Michael Sullivan: Your mom knows I love Mr. Rooney. When we had nothing, he gave us a home. A life.
 
 
John Rooney: You would like to apologize? Try again.
 
 
John Rooney: May you get to Heaven an hour before the Devil knows you're dead
 
 
Michael Sullivan: Actually, I'm making a withdrawal.
[Pulls his gun]
Michael Sullivan: And I want dirty money only, everything you're holding for Capone that's off the books. Open the safe.
Mr. McDougal: You're insane. You know they'll find out who you are.
Michael Sullivan: The name's Sullivan. You want me to spell it?
 
 
Michael Sullivan, Jr.: So when do I get my share of the money?
Michael Sullivan: How much do you want?
Michael Sullivan, Jr.: Two hundred dollars!
Michael Sullivan: Okay. Deal.
Michael Sullivan, Jr.: Could I have had more?
Michael Sullivan: You'll never know.
 
 
Maguire: Have you ever seen a dead body?
Michael Sullivan: Yes.
Maguire: I'm sorry to hear that. It's a terrible thing. But it sure does make you feel alive, doesn't it?
Michael Sullivan: I'll drink to that.
 
 
Michael Sullivan: I'd like to come to work for you, and in turn, I'd like you to turn a blind eye to what I have to do.
Frank Nitti: And what's that, Mike?
Michael Sullivan: Kill the man who murdered my family.
 
 
[Sullivan has a gun to Kelly's head]
Jack Kelly: Don't be stupid, Mike. I'm just a messenger.
Michael Sullivan: [lowers his gun] Then give Mr. Rooney a message from me.
Jack Kelly: What is it?
[Sullivan shoots him]
 
 
John Rooney: I'm glad it's you.

joyride_lewis.jpg

Joyride
 
Fuller: I miss...Mom's chocolate chip cookies, playing football with Dad...and...oh, wait, that's someone else's childhood...what I meant was...NOOOOO!
 
Ice Truck Driver: Do you guys need help back to the main road?
Fuller: No, we're okay, now that we're not murdered or anything.
 
[about the car]
Venna: Have you guys named it yet?
Fuller: Not yet, but we were thinking about "Tad" or "Lewis's Crappy Newport".
 
[after installing the CB]
Fuller: It's like a prehistoric Internet.
 
Fuller: I'VE GOT A GUN!
Ice Truck Driver: OH, YEAH, WELL, I'VE GOT A MASTERCARD
 
Fuller: Think about it - in a hundred years, you'll be dead. That's about as close to a philosophy I've ever gotten.
 
Venna: I'm not going anywhere until somebody tells me why I should be afraid of a radio.
 
[Over the CB radio]
Rusty Nail: You know, you should really get that fixed.
Fuller: Get what fixed?
Rusty Nail: Your tail light.
 
[after Paul Walker intentionally runs off the road]
Fuller: So, do you need me to drive, er, you good?
 
Fuller: Come on, I know what Dad says about me behind my back. That I'm the world's biggest loser. And that's coming from a plumber! That's coming from a man who wears a lime green jumpsuit to work everyday!

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